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| 09:23pm 25/09/2004 |
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mood:  depressed
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eh well about an hour ago i was on the phone with brooke. and lauren comed in and im like hey lar i domt think u fixed the computer things still aint working. and next thing you know she starts fucking flipping out on me- saying then why the fuck was it working earlier. and i was like who the fuck do u think ur talking to, and then she called me a fucking whore. and i called her a fucking bitch. and next thing you know while shes going upstairs shes like. oh yeh bitch im telling mok you smoke weed and ciggarets..im sitting there so fucking perplexed. and the next thing you know my cuz comes down with a little fucking smirk on her face. and i knew she told lauren that i did, which is a complete fucking lie. (and keep in mind that im on the phone with brooke this whole time) so they go upstairs and my mom comes down and im like oh here we go. so shes like what the fuck is going on. and lauren said that i called her a fucking bitch right when she walked in the door which is a laugh so thank God that brookes on the phone with me because she told my mom the truth. and my moms like okay. so she goes upstairs and shes yelling at lauren. and shes trying to find every peice of dirt she can use to get me introuble so shes like mom brittany smokes (which is totally not true at all) and my moms comes down and is like hey is this true. and im like what. you dont know me that well enough to think that i would smoke/ and so she just left. and i thought she was on my side for once. so i go upstairs because brooke wants to talk to my mom. so i go up there and alls i see was brianne my cuz lauren and my mom in the mirror doing all their makeup and getting dressed nice. and laughinga nd all that shit so im like. where are you guys going mom. and theyre like 'to the ephrata fair' and they know ive been wanting to go and not fucking once did they even ask me if i wanted to go. so i got back on the phone with brooke and i just start crying soo bad. im soo fucking sick of this. this happens everyday, i just never said anything before. i fucking cry myself to sleep. it seems like im not loved. everyone calls me names. lauren and brianne always say that i could never be anything in life. and my mom never listens to me. shes always on briannes and lauren side all the time- she doesnt care about anything i fucking say or do. lauren makes up lies about me and my mom believes them, then they all act like im some fucking bum on the street. and my dad use to be on my side but now hes just an ass kisser to my mom, and frankies just there. the only one i talk to is brooke. and she knows im not lying because half of the time it happens when im on the phone with her, and i call her crying all the time. i just cant take this anymore. im going to have a nervous breakdown by the time im 20. and everything i do they blame on my adhd. what does fucking hyperness have to do with anything/ and i take my medicine for it. im just so glad that i have brooke because this is how they use to be with her and thats why she ranaway. yeh well im going to be the next. im sick of being depressed all the time because of these fucking assholes. they treat me like im a peice of shit. the only time and i mean only time lauren is nice to me when she wants me to buy her something- and my asshole self buys it for her. and when i want something shes always like um get ur own fucking money. i mean people think that lauren is the sweetest person in the world. well sorry to break it to you but its all a fucking act. when shes with church people or her friends from school, she becomes an angel. well i hope one day everyone gets to see the other side of her. i mean i hate this. my mom tells me to get outta her face because i make her sick, and that i should move out. and thats suppose to bother me... i wanna get the fuck outta here. well anyways enough of this. im going to bed... while everyone else is having a great time at the fair...
ill update later
brittany |
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| 04:13pm 22/09/2004 |
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mood:  distressed music: blindside about a burning fire
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Hey. man i havent updated in forever. Ive been so busy. I gotta job at Dunkin Donuts/Baskin Robins. its pretty good. Im working with Max, amy, liz, nicole, kristen, chad, chris, and mike. so its fun. i cant wait ubtill im get oaid. im saving up for a laptop. and eventually ill get abother cell phone since i dropped mine in chris' hot tub lol. :( but yeh i really really want a laptop so bad..
Well things have been fucked up around here like always. im saving up my money from work. and as soon as i hit 18. goodbye! i cant take this shit anymore. im 16 years old, im not suppose to be feeling like this.. but anyways i dont wanna talk about it too much.
Max drove me home yesterday from work. and we stopped ay Ritas he got waterice. and we talked about things. Its not like that. were just starting to be really good friends. I need someone that listens to me like he does. we tell eachother everything. Hes picking me up on saturday too from work. at 7am. i have off the next couple of days thankfully.
Brooke got her operation she seems like shes doing okay. i was on the ohone with her lastnight then i had to go.. ugh she knows why
well anyways im outta here niggas. ill try to update later..
x0x brittany x0x |
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| tired... |
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| 08:09pm 31/08/2004 |
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mood:  tired
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well today i woke up went to school- and fortunatly i found all my classes fine.. i had algebra homework again. he said were gonna have homework in that class everyday. but we had some time at the end of the class and i finished it. it was 1-30. i was done in like 5 minutes it was easy. i dunno why im in classes with all Jrs. but its pretty cool- i also have a spanish quiz on thursday and i have to do an essay.. its the 2nd day of school. ugh. but yeh it was cool. then i went home and applied at dunkin donuts/baskin robins but i already know the owner so i think ill get the job, and i made lauren apply there too and introduced her to the owner so she might get one too because he said ill call you guys later. then we went to riteaid and some old crusty man kept staring at me and lauren, him and his nasty friend. so finally i was like "Do you have a fucking problem you pussy ass pervert" and they left. so yeh.
lauren was all scared because i almost went after them lol. then i met some guys at blockbuster, and the one guy stole a huge poster and ran lmao. so then we went to staples and i asked some 3 year olds if they would buy me some lemonheads and they said no, then i called them bad sharreres and the mom picked them up and ran away i think she thought i was gonna take them or something lmao but yeh then i came home and thats it. the end, ill update laterr buh bye xoxo
<3 brittany |
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| schools back and allllllllllll |
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| 05:52pm 30/08/2004 |
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mood: exhausted music: do music,, i gotta headache
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ugh yeh iu know that i havent updated in a while but ive been busy. two days ago my dad took me lauren and brianne shopping and he spent like 2,000 bucks on us. we just basically went to old navy and i got the cutest stuff. and he also took us to office max where some guy was stalking me, then my dad almost beat him up, then he ran out of the store. but anyways yeh we got some more school supplies too. we have a whole bunch of stuff- so then we came home and i tried all my stuff on and everything fit fine but the pants were a little too big but thats okay because they look cute like that. then i took all my supplies out and set them up in my bookbag for school. and i got spongebob folders :D lol and then after that like 5 hours of shopping, my aunt karen and uncle steve called up and asked us if we wanted to come to a little bbq that they were having- so we decided to go, and i went swimming, but only for like 15 mins because as soon as i went in there my lips turned purple, even thogh the water was 78 degrees, but i was freezing- and i had my tortilla chips salso and cream cheese.. okay i know that sounds nasty and i thought so too, but i tried it and i fell in love with it.. ugh its so good. then for some reason my cuz steve put it on his cheeseburger because he said he wanted to see how it tasted, and of course he liked it.. hes so weird. lol. but hes a cutie. and my grandmom was also there so i gotta chance to see her too which is good because i rarely see her. then my aunt and uncle (theyre mennonites) and they told me that when i get my nose peirced that im going to hell.. and i just start cracking up. and i think they got offended, and they were like you shouldnt mark up your body its in the bible, and i was like yeh, but i dont take it literally and get all crazy with it like yous do. then they got mad, lol. then after a while we went home, and i went to bed because i was soooo tired. Then the next day i woke up and my mom was dying briannes hair. so i was like mom can you cut mine, so she did and it looks really really cute and everyone loves it.. its way different. its awesome! Then i went with my dad and we met brooke and matt halfway to get alll my clothe si left over there i was soo happy to get them back! then i came home chilled watched tv, went outside and then went to bed. Then the next morning i woke up for school ( first day ) and i got all dressed up and did my hair awesome. and then i went. everyone thought i was a senior.. lol and i made a lotta friends, and my shedule seems pretty easy except for my spanish because its like out in the middle of no where. but my locker is up by the rest of my classes. thank God. and i have pretty cool peoples in my class and i have all guy teachers except one, and thats what i wanted because girl teachers fucking suck.. and i was pissed in the morning because they fucked up my homeroom and put me with all jrs. but they were like hey whats your name? and i chilled with them till it got fixed. lol. and i have some crazy ass algebra teacher.. he called me his little lemondrop. lmao. i was cracking up. hes like seriously mental or something lol. the easiest class is probably my business class. thats really easy. and i was pissed because the crazy math teacher gave us homework already 1-30 but i already did it, but it was a lotta work for the first day.. i mean give us a break its the first day!.. lol. but yeh lauren and brianne hates it soo much lol. lauren was walking down the hallways with this little attitude on her and everytime i saw her i was cracking up. but she really hates it, she was crying really bad, but shh dont tell her i told you.. lol i mean yeh i feel bad for her but she only has to go for not even a year. shes a senior now and thats the easiest. < why does that look spelled wrong .. hmm.. lol. well anyways im out.. im so tired from school and homework and all this shit again. so ill update tomorrow again after school. buh bye xoxo
<3 Brittany |
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| Yo motherfuckers! |
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| 01:32am 28/08/2004 |
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mood: awake music: blindside- burning fire
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hey everyone! well today i went shopping! :) it was fun.. we canceld like everything else so my day wasnt really as busy as i thought that it would be yesterday-
well tomorrow im waking up at about 9 and going shopping again, and getting more school supplies because school starts in like 3 days lol. and im soo unprepared. Well i just got done having a really fun conversation with my Matt! lmao. oh yeh! so im waiting for him to get back because hes taking a shower right now. lol. so for now im watching the Olympics. and just for the record, i just wanna say that i am marrying mike phellps! omg hes sooo hot, and that body.. mmmmm.
haha, im bad. but theyre wresting right now and of course the USA is winning! lol. Im eating a strawberry popsicle thingy. how ironic right matt? lol. I wanna new pair of sneakers. lol i have like 50,00000 pairs. lol but oh well. i want some more. dude this strawberry cycle is awesome. its made with real strawberries! mmm. and today i feel lots better! Thank God! I miss brooke soooo much. shes the best sister in the world and i love my Boodra!!! lmao. she hates when i call her that, but oh well! damnit now USA is losing- fuckers! okay nevermind then won. lol. well anyways i gotta go. lauren needs to get on to look up airplane tickets so she can visit kate in california. lol. so ill update later. buh bye! xoxo
<3 Brittany |
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| i dont knoww |
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| 12:36am 27/08/2004 |
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mood:  cold music: coldplay
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Well today im feeling pretty good. This morning i went for a long walk to clear my head and think about things. sometimes i just need sometime alone away from this house. everythings fucking crazy and i cant take it anymore. ugh. I really didnt really do anything all day becaus emy mom wont let me go anywhere because shes too scared. and every couple hours she keeps waking me up when im sleeping to see if im okay. lol i love her. well tomorrow i have a big day planned, i have to wake up my mom at 6am and we have to get dresssed abd take frankie to work, and pick up my dad. then its off food shopping. we have to go all over the place. then we have to go to old navy to get these awesome lights for my room. then were coming back, and my dads getting checks in the mail, and were all off to go shopping an dmy dads staying home because he hates going shopping with all of us.. so i guess were gonna head off to the malls. and i wanna hit up journeys to get this belt. its like a seatbelt belt. its so cool. and were going everywhere and its gonna be crazy.. lol 5 girls going shopping is too much lol. ugh. then we have to go to staples because we need more school supplies. i only need a couple things because of the block schedule and i only have four periods. well anyways i better get going, i need some sleep for tomorrow. ehh long ass day ahead of me.. lol well ill update tomorrow when im finished everything. buh-bye. xoxox
<3 Brittany |
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| eh,.. i dunno |
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| 06:19pm 25/08/2004 |
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mood:  blah music: Led Zeplin - stairway to heaven
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Well yesterday was the most horrible day ever, and i hope i never have another day like that as long as i live, but thank God that today is another day, and so far its been okay. nothing bad happening to me so far. Im feeling a little better today, i just keep getting headachs, and dizzy spells. But the best part is that i dont have to do any work- lol thats alwayas a good thing. and i have to take this medicine that makes me high- and thats always a good thing too. Well anyways. Eve came over this morning, and her my mom and dad went out to eat, and they went out to show her around. I dont know if shes staying over or not. it really depends on the weather. shes really sweet though. but when shes around. we all have to be on our best behavior. lol. So far i really didnt do anything all day. i got 2 hours of sleep lastnight. i woke up at 3:30am and stayed up, and i had to wake my mom up at 6:00 so we can take frankie to work. and go pick up my dad. so i went with her for the ride. i was feeling a little off so she gave me my medicine again. so we picked them up and came home, and just watched tv. so then at like 8am, me, my mom , and dad were feeling tired, so we went up and my dad slept in my room in my bed because my mom wanted me to sleep with her. and i was out in like 5 minutes. and woke up at like 4:30pm. yeh that was a long nap, but i really needed it. so im probably just gonna rest now for the rest of the night. so ill update tomorrow again or something. buh-bye. xoxo
<3 Brittany |
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| this is the worst fucking day everr |
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| 06:52pm 24/08/2004 |
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mood: exhausted music: ashlee simpson- peices of me
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I swear to God. I have never in my whole life had a bad day like this one before. and heres why..
This morning i woke up, and i noticed that there was something in my right eye. a large pointy thing. i have no clue what the fuck it was but it hurt soooo bad.
so then i look in the mirror and i try to get it out for literally and hour. and it just wouldnt come out. so i called my mom because she was in philly at the doctors, and she was like- get the eyewash from in the bathroom and wash it out. so i went up got the eyewash and put it in my eye. and omg, it stung so bad, it felt like bees kept stinging me in the eye. so about an hour later. it finally came out. and my eye looks so fucking nasty. its so swollen and red and blood shot, and not trying to be gross but. crust and puss keep keep coming from it. ew. then after that i went on the computer talked to niki, and she told me that one of our friends little sisters died in a car accident (she was only 8).. then after that i logged off, and i felt really sick in my stomach, and i puked my fucking brains out. and also i had a 102.3 fever. so after that my mom came home and everything, and she was tired so she went up stairs to lay down. so i went up to keep her company while we were watching Tv. So next thing ya know i start to have this really really really bad pain in my side, and then i couldnt breathe it felt like my throat was closing so i start hyperventalating and crying so bad. and my eyes got black and i couldnt see anything and i passed out.( and i back to back ones. ywo in a row) - now just for the record what i had was called a "Panic Attack" i use to have them about 5 times a day but never this servere. so like 2 years ago when i first start having them , my mom was like i think you have "servere panic disorder" (and she knew this because she has them and they run through the family. so unfortunatlly i had to be the one to get them) so she took me to the doctors and he diagnosed me with "servere panic disorder" so he start puting me on a pill called Paxil.( doctors say thats the worst pill ever) so my family started to see a change in me so, my moms like. i dont want her on this anymore. and the doctors like yeh i dont blame you. this pill is so hard to deal with. and hes like. but i just cant take her off of it like that because theirs bad side affects, so hes like we have to go little by little. so i was on 30mg and he changed it to 2.5 mg which is bullshit because thats not taking me off little by little. so thats why i had 2 panic attacks today. yeh its horrible and i wouldnt wish them on my worst enemy. i hate them so much. theirs nothing you can do to control it and it feels like your dying. but thank God that i have my mom because shes always there when i have them, because she knows what it feels like because she use to have like 20 of them a day. and theyre worse than heart attacks. so she layed me on the bed and held me. and she gave me like 50, 000 pills. because she has them just incase if i have one. so then i felt better after that. that was the worst one ive ever had. so then like 10 mins later i had another one. but it was a slight one. then i had to take more pills. ugh its horrible i hate it. this is like the worst day in my whole fucking life...
well anyway im gonna get going. my mom said she want to keep an eye on me just incase i have another one. ( and btw she wants to kill my fucking doctor- stupid asshole) ill update again later hopefully tomorrow i wont have any :(.. ughhh
<3 brittany |
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| i dont know what to title these things.. |
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| 08:15pm 23/08/2004 |
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mood: okay music: The Used- On My Own
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Well today i really didnt do anything, but clean all day. because my parents friend is coming over wednsday and since my mom is a huge clean freak we had to clean everything. i have to be on my best behavior because eve is religious. haha this should be fun.
I talked to amandas little sister tabitha and i asked her if she had any extra pictures of amanda, and if she can mail them to me, and thankfully she does. Im making a scrapbook and im doing a page dedicated to her. I miss her so much. its just hard. but when i was talking to tabitha today she made me feel better, because she said that a little before amanda died she got saved. so we know for a fact that shes in a better place, and shes the lucky one to be there. i dunno its just hard for me because i seen her like two days before it happend. and she pulled up in a car on the street and was like "Yo Brittany! Come over here and give me a hug girl! and i did and she was like i miss you! and we were just talking, and she had a huge smile on her face, and everytime i think of her i just picture that day over and over in my head. we had such good times with eachother. like when i went over her house all the time after school. and we were gonna go in that girls hot tub, but she didnt come. so we went to vinces house. and he bought cigaretts, and we were all on the corner. and she was wearing her "boy" outfit. lol. and on the late bus all the time me and her, and all the guys being bad, and mrs dougherty calling the cops on us. and me and her and anthony would act like we were sleeping. lol. and us always about to fistfight someone. lol. everytime i seen her. ( which was everyday because she lived right around the corner from me) and we sat together on the bus) she would always give me a huge hug... im gonna miss those hugs. But like tab said. shes in a better place, and i guess it was just her time to go. But i know God will take care of her up there...
Well anyways. im gonna get going. I'll update again tomorrow. buh-bye. xox
<3 Brittany |
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| ummmmmmm |
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| 07:56pm 22/08/2004 |
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mood:  energetic
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Hey people. Im so bored. im watching Bring it on because brianne is watching it. Im talking to my Jesse right now! one of my bestfriends that i miss soo soo much! muah! and shes sending me thses awesome pictures. lmao. Ugh i wanna go back over Brookes house! I miss her! and michael, and matt, and Kitty and Roxy! haha!
I have such a bad headach! and I need to go school shopping because school starts in less than a week! I'm actually kinda looking forward to it.. it seems nice. i just hope im in atleast a couple of classes with jaqlyn- shes really nice.
Ugh i need a mother fucking burner because i need songs and i dont wanna go out and buy the cds because then ill only listen to one song. so yeh.
Tomorrow i dont know what im doing. i need to go and drop off a couple of applications to places, and im going shopping. and other shit probably. well anyways im out! ill update tomorrow! xox
<3 Brittany |
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| hey! |
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| 06:40pm 22/08/2004 |
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mood:  creative
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Hey! okay well i had to delete my last journal (dont ask) and jesse made me another one! thank you Jesse!!
haha that girl is crazy! so yeh. ill be updating again, and telling u whats been going on with me! so ill ttyl!
buh-bye! xox
<3 Brittany |
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